Lance the Turtle

Lance the Turtle is a Silly Song/Ukulele Karaoke from Gideon: Tuba Warrior.

Lyrics

Narrator: And now it's time for Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. The part of the show when Bob comes out and sings an Ukulele Karaoke. (Bob is sitting in chair reading a magazine)

Bob: Uh, what's going on? (Jean-Claude comes in)

Jean-Claude: You're doing the Ukulele Karaoke, no?

Bob: No, I'm on a break. This is the Pirates'--

Jean-Claude: They are busy with the rest of the show.

Bob: B-But I don't even know the song. (Jean-Claude gives Bob lyrics)

Jean-Claude: You're lyrics, monsieur. (to Phillipe) Bring in the props!

Bob: But-

Phillipe: Waikiki! (palm tree prop, volcano prop, and lamp falls in) (Phillipe comes in with fan) Your island breeze, monsieur!

Bob: Hold on a sec! I'm totally unprepared to do a solo! (WTT come in)

Jean-Claude: Your back-up singers.

Bob: What? Isn't that the-

Jean-Claude: Oui, they are the Wiggly Turtle Toobies!

Bob: The Wiggly Turtle Toobies? They look taller on TV.

WTT: So do you, tomato!

Bob: But really, this is Larry's gig! I can't just--

Jean-Claude: The show must go on, monsieur! (music begins) Quick, that is your cue! Just follow along, you will be fine.

Bob: But--

WTT: (singing) Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance! Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Bob: (singing) Well, I keep a little turtle at my Uncle and my Aunt's. My auntie's name is Myrtle, and my island turtle's name is Lance. He doesn't wander far, even if he has a chance. He just plays his ukulele and he does the hula dance! What?

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! (hula dancer dances in) Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance! Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Bob: He threw a luau barbeque one breezy summer night. (Phillipe turns on fan) Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a wiki bite. The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing. The one who lived across the street arrived there in the Spring! Oh, I get it! Turtles are slow, so it took him a long time. That's pretty good!

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Bob: But Lance just kept on cooking, he was grilling full of glee! (sits on chair) He was marinating ribs cause he liked- (lyrics shred through fan) Uh... (reading pieces of lyrics) "Syrup with his feta cheese?" I-I'm sorry, I- (Jean-Claude and Phillipe tape up lyrics and give them to Bob) Lance's purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please. Pineapples are shiny! Spotted tiki bumblebees?! Oh, man!

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Bob: Wait a minute, guys. I don't think this is right. It doesn't make any sense!

Phillipe: It works for us! Ha-ha!

Bob: But-

Jean-Claude: The song! The song!

Bob: Uh... There are luscious chocolate fingers, spinning slowly in the school. Mele Kalikimaka. Fluffy bunnies driving in the pool! Uh, Larry?! A thousand igloos wax the beach, spray luggage in the tree! Raining puppies, flying clowns. Flossing punahele- (hula dancer falls on Bob) Ow! Oh, forget it. (Bob leaves)

Phillipe: Oh-ho! Alpaca sneezes coconuts! Tahini yo-yo leg! Wahine whisky jelly sauce, don't make the fuzzy parrot beg!

Jean-Claude: Paper, plastic porcupines! The horsey makes his bed! The humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apua'ua wasn't fed!

WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! (continuing under dialogue) Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance! Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance! Lance the Turtle,

Narrator: This has been Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. Tune in next time when Bob says:

Bob: I'll be in my dressing room.

WTT: Dance-dance-dance!