Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show-
Archibald: Stop! Stop! Don't even think about it! As if Omlet wasn't bad enough. Ahem. Phillippe, Jean-Claude!
Phillippe and Jean-Claude: Oui!
Archibald: And now it is time for Classy Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a classy song.
Archibald: (sings) One day, while he was waiting for the trolly, he had a hat.
Larry: My high silk hat.
Archibald: He wore it high upon his head so proudly, a beautiful hat.
Larry: My high silk hat.
Archibald: A hat like this just makes him feel so grandly. Now fancy this and fancy that. The splendor of his hat in all its majesty.
Larry: Like a king, in a royal cap! I feel so swell and handsome in my hat. I bet that others wish they had in fact -
Larry and Archibald: A hat as this, a hat as that, a hat so high, a high silk hat!
Larry: Oh, Mister Art Bigotti, now whaddya think of that?
Archibald: Now his hat was not all he wore so proudly, I must in fact share more than that. For upon his lap there sat a treat so fondly, of chocolate this -
Larry: And chocolate that.
Archibald: Deliciousness that makes him feel so dandy, a chocolate bliss.
Larry: A chocolate snack.
Chorus: Confections such as these are more than candy, so one might buy a box of that.
Larry: I have my chocolate placed upon my lap. I feel so good you just cannot help that. I have my snack, a chocolate pack of chocolate this and chocolate that! Oh golly, Mr. Nezzer, now whaddya think of that?
Archibald: Now time was passing and the sun grew hotter upon his hat -
Chorus: And chocolate snack.
Archibald: So beneath his hat he thought and pondered:
Larry: What should I do to save my hat?
Archibald: He thought and contemplated as he perspired, beneath his hat -
Chorus: Upon his snack.
Archibald: He feared his chocolate treats would soon retire into a pool.
Chorus: A chocolate vat.
Larry: I won't feel grand if I take off my hat. The sun's gettin' hot and my hat just might go flat. My hat, it might go flat, and my sweets will melt like that! Oh, hurry mister trolly, before my dapperness goes flat.
Archibald: He decided to forgo his looks so dashing to save his hat -
Jean-Claude: And little snack!
Archibald: So he placed the treats upon the seat beside him -
Mr. Nezzer: And put his hat on top of that.
Larry: Oh please.
Chorus: Oh please, oh please!
Larry: Don't anybody sit close to me, upon my hat. I ask if all of you could be so kindly and just stand back, away from my snack!
(King Twistimer sits on Larry's hat and chocolates.)
A great big squash just sat upon my hat! A great big squash just squished my hat real flat! He squashed my hat, he made it flat, he squished my snack, oh what of that?! Oh, tell me, anybody, now whaddya think of that?
All: A great big squash just sat upon his hat! A great big enormous squash squished his hat real flat! He squashed his hat, he made it flat, he squished his snack, oh what of that!
(The trolly arrives and all get on except Larry. Scallion #1 walks up.)
Larry: Oh, golly! Uh, what's your name?
Scallion #1: They've never given me a name. I've been around since show 1 and I still don't have a name!
Larry: Now whaddya think of that?