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We are the pirates we don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything Well I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver And I've never buried treasure in St Louie or St Paul And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we are the pirates we don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything And I've never hoist the main sail and I've never swabbed the poop deck And I've never veered starboard 'cause I've never sailed at all And I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we are the pirates we don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything Oh I've never plucked a rooster and I am not too good at ping-pong And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice And I have never been to Boston in the fall We are the pirates we don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you And I’ve never licked a spark plug And I’ve never sniffed a stinkbug And I’ve never painted daises On a big red rubber ball And I’ve never bathed in yogurt And I don’t look good in leggings And we’ve never been to Boston in the fall We are the pirates we don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything Well I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver And I've never buried treasure in St Louie or St Paul And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa And I've never been to Boston in the fall

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