The Pirates Who Don't do Anything (song)

The Pirates Who Don't do Anything is the Silly Song from Very Silly Songs!.

Lyrics

Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up the imfamous gang of scallywags: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

All: We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. We just stay at home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you-

Larry: We don't do anything!

Pa Grape: Well I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver. And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul. And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa and I've never been to Boston in the Fall.

All: We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. We just stay at home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you-

Mr. Lunt: We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poopdeck. And I never veer to starboard cause I never sail at all. And I've never walked the gangplank and I've never owned a parrot and I've never been to Boston in the Fall.

All: 'Cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. We just stay at home and lie around, and if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, we don't do anything.

Larry: Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall. And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice and I've never been to Boston in the Fall.

Pa Grape: Huh? What are you talkin' about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?

Mr. Lunt: Hey, that's right. We're supposed to sing about piratey things.

Larry: Oh.

Pa Grape: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?

Mr. Lunt: I think you look like Captain Crunch.

Pa Grape: Huh? No I don't.

Mr. Lunt: Do too.

Pa Grape: Do not!

Mr. Lunt: You're making me hungry.

Pa Grape: That's it. You're walking the plank.

Mr. Lunt: Says who?

Pa Grape: Says the Cap'n! That's who!

Mr. Lunt: Oh yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch! Hee hee hee hee!

Pa Grape: Aaaargh!

Mr. Lunt: Yikes!

Larry: And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball. And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings.

Pa Grape: You just don't get it.

All: And we've never been to Boston in the Fall!

Pa Grape: Pass the chips. Who's got the remote?

Larry: Here it is!

Mr. Lunt: Time for Geraldo.

Pa Grape: It's definitely time for Wapner.

Mr. Lunt: Oh, I don't like this show.

Larry: Hey look, I found a quarter!